and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
