Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
