So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
