so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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