she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
