Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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