a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
