Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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