She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
