With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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