How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
