After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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