dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
