Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
