He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
