No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
