Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
