i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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