I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
