I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
