i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
last night I used snow as a chaser
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
