i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
