Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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