it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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