for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to calm my uterus...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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