You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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