Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
