Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
