He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
