i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize