You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
