Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
