You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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