Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
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