Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize