Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
