How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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