don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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