My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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