I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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