Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
How's work?
Spinning.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize