I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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