okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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