my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Couch. On fire.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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