you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
