it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
