You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize