after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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