he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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