I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
