would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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