im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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