it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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