Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
