just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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