1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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