he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
