it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
