Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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