let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it's great music for shaving your balls
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
