Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
