I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
