That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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