whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
