how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
