i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
This is my gift to your gina
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
