So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
