is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize