We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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