You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
