I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
